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Will no-deal bring a great fall for Humpty Dumpty PM?

01 February, 2019

• EASTER falls three weeks after Brexit and Parliament didn’t want to be caught napping as it had been over Brexit. There’d been no planning for a workable Brexit and that led inextricably to “The Deal” losing by 230 votes. This time MPs wanted to be sure that they could run Easter when we become a Free Country again.

Of course, Parliament is run with arcane procedures that are a mystery to the man in the street. And so it was that Easter could not be mentioned and I’m pleased to report that not one MP gave the game away. The apparent subject of the debate was amendments to Mrs May’s “A Deal”.

Parliament has already lost the Easter Pancake Race so the real concern was the traditional Easter Egg Hunt. To make up for only having seven eggs (or amendments) it added an ingenious twist to the jollity. MPs were still in the dark over Brexit and made it a game of Blind Man’s Buff. Brilliant!

Several eggs had been donated by members keen to avoid the Humpty Dumpty situation of having a great fall without a Brexit deal. The biggest egg was an amendment for the Prime Minister to go back to Brussels and ask to renegotiate the Irish Border Backstop.

The European Research Group Tories really, really don’t like this  and proposed that the Prime Minister seek “alternative arrangements”. When pressed as to what these “alternative arrangements” might be, the Maybot told MPs, with an air that expressed all the fatigue of a dying universe, that, of course, “the arrangements would be alternative”.

Tory MPs showed they weren’t afraid of Humpty Dumpty’s great fall by rejecting five “extra-time” amendments. Then a surprise as a “No Deal option” narrowly won. Everything now hung on finding the “alternative arrangements” egg. Hurrah!

Tory MPs had played nicely and gave the Prime Minister a poisoned chalice of her own choosing. The EU even joined in the fun by saying it was Mission Impossible. Happy Easter, everybody!

RICHARD ROSSER
Richmond Grove, N1

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